What the actual fuck is adulting? Do you need to be an "adult"? How does one become an "adult"? Through budgeting? Through learning to shut up at the right time? Through pretending videogames are childish because “networking” sounds more respectable? I don’t know. Honestly, I’m not even sure anyone does.

What kind of a person do I want to be, like my prime? I do not have a crystal clear idea. But what I do know so far is what I don't want to be. I guess that's a start...right?

• I absolutely do not want to be the nonchalant guy.
• I don’t want to stop cracking jokes.
• I don't wanna stop doing spontaneous stuff.
• I don't want to lock myself in a tight schedule.
• I don't wanna stop trying my damn best to pet every cat I see.
• I don't wanna stop experimenting with food.
• I don't wanna stop binge watching video essays after I finish a show.
• I want to keep my candle burning twice as bright for as long as I can.
• I don't want to stop collecting fun stories from the people I meet.

I want to carry myself in such a way that nobody can guess it from my eyes that I also have shit to do, bills to pay, assignments to submit, meetings to attend. I want to be able to easily switch between versions of myself, I don't want to get stuck in one archetype. I want to make someone who isn't having that good of a day laugh, I want to be able to give genuine good advice to someone who is lost, I want to be able to goof even when situations around me are stressful.

I want to be out doing as many side quests as I can get. Be obsessed with stuff that i like and let them engulf me regularly. I want to know so much about so much you know, like have a disgusting amount of knowledge about the character of a show that i adore, and then not know how to what a waffle is. I want to be unpredictable and fun, just a ball of contagious energy.

I am still figuring my shit out and will probably be doing it for a good while, I will be following one line: " live your life in such a way that my mere existence is an act of rebellion" here the rebellion is against the meaningless of the world, the hopelessness, the despair. To just be a beacon of hope for everyone.

I just want to keep my candle burning twice as bright for as long as I can.